The Sacrifice

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The Sacrifice

Post by pikachulova on Sat Feb 13, 2010 8:14 pm

Before you start reading my second made story, I want you to know that this has flashback in it.
The parts that are underlined and in italics(which is most of it...) is a flashback..

The sacrifice
An original short story by Robert McGrath

It was early spring. The flowers, which were in bloom, were blowing in the wind. I was walking in a meadow, like I always do, down past the town. I was thinking about what had happened yesterday. My name is Jake McGrath and this is my sacrifice.

It all started when I got back from school. It was a little past 3:00 into the afternoon. It was Friday so I had tomorrow to myself. I stepped inside the house. As usual my parents were working so I was by myself. My dad was a cop, while my mom worked as an accountant. I got home and went to my room. Items of clothes, game cases and candy wrappers lay on the ground. I put my backpack on the bed I cleaned. I went back down the stairs and heated up some food. I sat down and watched the television. I fell asleep during the show and after a while, the phone rang. I woke up groggily and stood up, wobbling, due to just waking up. I walked to the phone, scratching my head.

I answered, “Hello? Who is it?” “Its Lisa” my girlfriend answered. “What is-““listen, you changed, in a bad way” she said, interrupting me. “You have new friends, which-“she suddenly stopped and I heard the phone drop. “Lisa! Are you ok! Are you there?” I yelled, hoping Lisa was safe. All of a sudden a voice came. No one spoke, but I could hear his breathing. I was frightened, but managed to get hold of some courage, for Lisa. “Who is this? What do you want?” I demanded. “If you want her,” said a deep, raspy voice, “then change your life around.” And then came the dial tone.


I sat down on the tree, in the middle of the meadow. I looked around, watching the flowers and grass blow wildly. The birds above me chirped joyously. I leaned my head against the tree and closed my eyes. I couldn’t believe what I had chosen to do.

I walked upstairs and change. I looked at the clock in my room and it read 6:00 PM and I knew what to do. I ran outside and hopped on my bike, peddling fast. I didn’t think the cops, like my dad, should get involved. The voice didn’t ask for an item, just for me to change my ways. I believe that’s what Lisa was pretty much getting to.

I rode up to my new buddies favorite spot. As I pulled in, I heard them talking to me. “Hey jake, where you been?” Mike said, who ordered us all. There were two others beside him, To, the tough looking on, and Chris, the sneaky deceptive one. “I’ve been sleeping. Got a problem, Mike?” I retorted. He got mad at this comment. “Listen, you don’t talk like that to me” He said angrily. “I already did! Ever since I started hanging with you guys my life’s been trash!” I yelled. “That’s it! Tom, Chris, get him!” He said turning around. “This may go without saying, but we aren’t hanging anymore. The deals off!” He stopped.

He looked back at me. “A deals a deal. I did my part. I`m still waiting for you” he said simply. Tom and Chris stopped, unsure of what to do. I smirked; “Too bad” I said and took off running to my bike. I jumped on and started peddling away. I rode until I got home. The phone started ringing and I answered, “What?” I asked. “Change your ways, or else” Came the voice again. I was confused, “But I left those guys! Isn’t that what-“ I heard the dial tone again. I didn’t know what to do now. I left them guys, I thought that was what he wanted. Apparently there was more to it than that.


I felt the grass beneath my hands. The air against my face felt refreshing and nice. A few small animals were off in the distance. I sighed and got up, walking to the hill and, once getting there, lay down and looked at the sky. I stayed there, thinking in disbelief the unlucky experiences I had.

I heard a car door outside and moments later my dad came through the front door. I sat on the couch and thought about what the man on the phone has said. My dad walked into the room, “you ok?” He asked. I looked at him, “ya, don’t worry about it” I told him. I realized I had to make some sacrifices in my life at that moment that I never intended to have in the first time.

My parents knew about these kids. They knew I shouldn’t have hung out with them. Once I started hanging out with them I started smoking and drinking without realizing it. I knew my parents knew, so I went upstairs and got my cigarettes and lighter. I came downstairs and threw them in the trash. My dad looked at me, surprised and asked, “are you sure you’re ok?” I looked at him and responded with, “dad, its time I sacrificed many things” And with that I left the room. I went outside and Mike, Tom and Chris were there.

Mike spoke up, “we don’t like when people leave us. He said to me. To grabbed me and chris covered my mouth. I was forced into a small and secluded area. “Get him” Mike said simply. Next thing I knew, I was being punched, kicked, bashed into walls and hit with pipes. After 10 minutes, which seemed like forever, they finally finished.

I was thrown down and they left. I unsteadily got up and looked into a small dark puddle in the ground. It took me a moment to realize it was actually my blood. I looked at it for a moment, but then started wobbling home. When I got there, I saw my bike on the front lawn. The tires were flattened, handle bars bent, seat ripped, brakes broken and chain snapped in half. I stared in disbelief and walked inside. Upon seeing me, my dad jumped up. “What happened? And don’t say its ok this time!” he said.

I sighed and said, “I told Mike, Tom and Chris we weren’t friends any more. They tried to catch my earlier, but I had already left on my bike. When I left just a little while ago, they were here. They grabbed me and brutally attacked me. They destroyed my bike too.” My dad was shocked, to say the least. “Well, is that all?” he asked.


At that point, I realized I had a decision to make. I could have told him everything, or I could have kept my mouth shut. I feel I made the bad decision, due to the outcome of the choice, but I think I’ll let you decide what happened.

Part 1:

“Uhm, no that’s all. I said lying. He looked at me and said, “I`ll be back. I`m getting those boys.” He left the house, afterwards. It was 8:30 now and I was home, alone. I waited in the dark for a while. All of a sudden the phone rang and I hesitated. I slowly got up and answered it. “What now? I got beat up, losing my so called “Friends” and my bikes gone. Now my dad is leaving and may get hurt! What else is there?” I yelled.

I heard the voice breathing. It, in itself, was telling me everything I needed to know. I was scared now, hoping nothing bad would happen to Lisa “Listen! Don’t hurt Li-“I was stopped, as he said, “times up” and I heard I gun shot. I dropped the phone and screamed, “NOOO!!” and slowly cried, too upset to do anything.

Part 2:

“Yes dad, there is” I told him. I explained that Lisa called and in mid conversation, a guy was on her phone, breathing. He immediately got up, saying, “We got to go help her.” I wasn’t too surprised, however. “But dad, what if something-“He put his hand up and I stopped. “Son, I can do whatever I can to help, but you have to tell me first!” He said. “Now hurry, we have to get to her.”

We got to her house, in my dad’s house car, not cop care, so as not to raise suspicion. He stepped out and I checked my phones watch. It was 9:00 now and dark out, so he may not have seen us yet. I was told to stay in the car, to not get in the way. He pulled his gun out and made his way out back. At that time, I saw a light turn on, but my dad was unaware of it. I saw two figures, one of them, holding a gun. I knew the other was Lisa. I saw a third figure appear and I whispered, “Dad” I saw the lights turn off, heard several gunshots and saw gun flashes. I was too scared to look, so I closed my eyes and looked away.


So now you know what happened. So what do you think it was? Did one or two occur that night? If you say one then that’s your choice. But if you picked two allow me to ask this: Who do you think got shot? Lisa, the one you hope was not shot. My dad, who tried to save her, or the man, the one you fear survived? My name is Jake Stuart and that was my sacrifice.
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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by King Umby on Mon Feb 15, 2010 7:26 pm

Two and I thought the dad got shot just for the drama.

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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by pikachulova on Wed Feb 17, 2010 4:44 pm

Haha, well did you guys like it??
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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by Master Fish on Wed Feb 17, 2010 4:50 pm

Suspence. Shocked

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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by Walwy on Wed Feb 17, 2010 4:51 pm

I am C-O-N-F-U-S-E-D, but good story line.

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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by King Umby on Wed Feb 17, 2010 5:51 pm

i liked it a lot, you should make a book about it.

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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by Master Fish on Wed Feb 17, 2010 5:53 pm

It will be this.
Theif 50%
dad 49.9%
Lisa 0.1 since the lady never dies

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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by pikachulova on Wed Feb 17, 2010 5:58 pm

OR does she?
Duh-Duh-Duh!
lo, jk (but seriously Laughing )
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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by Walwy on Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:02 pm

Watch those movies the lady never dies.

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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by pikachulova on Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:03 pm

Not in my book.
Sometimes you should change things up.. xD
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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by Walwy on Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:06 pm

Then Lisa got shot?

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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by pikachulova on Wed Feb 17, 2010 6:33 pm

only IF you want her to.
It is my own story, but the ending belongs to the reader.
YOU decide who dies..
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Re: The Sacrifice

Post by Walwy on Wed Feb 17, 2010 9:03 pm

God thats corny.

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